Hey guys, welcome back to the podcast. I'm Amanda, I'm Laura, and I'm Kendra. And we are back on really considering the intentionality of our lives since we're starting a new year. And so today we're gonna consider: if you had one day left to live, if you had one week left to live, if you had one month left to live, what would you do differently?
Because I'm telling you, people completely change things when they find out this information, and this is just a thought experiment that is worth considering. It's worth asking yourself from time to time some critical questions as we start this new year—especially because if left unchecked, life will happen to you rather than you creating the life that you want.
Especially medicine. Medicine will weave its way into every aspect of your life if you let it. It's never gonna say, "You know what? Why don't you sit back? Why don't you sit this one out and not pick up? You probably should rest." That's just not the culture that we have. So knowing this, it's on us to start to check in with ourselves and make sure that we are living in the way that we want to.
We all have time pressures. We all have duties and expectations. Sometimes we're living purely in survival, and many times we have postponed our personal priorities. You know, last week we talked about the 80-year-old version of ourselves. That feels like another person. It feels like somebody else who's gonna have to deal with the problems that you have set up for them in the future. It's really important to get connected. And so the thing that I was watching was saying like connecting to that 8-year-old version of yourself—like that's a little easier to say, "Yes, I am still that person." The more that you revisit that, it becomes easier to recognize that the 80-year-old version of you is also still you; you're still having to deal with the stuff you put off today.
So again, just to revisit: life passes in no time and without intentionality. People will give you tasks if you are not creating the life that you want; people will fill it up for you. Work will fill it up for you. Other things outside of yourself will decide how you live your life. So that's why we're discussing this, because you need to create the life that you want. We often delay our own needs—that was the whole name of the game in med school and residency—but we've recently had some deaths that have happened to close friends and relatives and such, and it's a time to reassess. Shoot, they never did do all the things that they thought that they were gonna do. And that is a somber realization, and I don't want that for any of us.
So this isn't about panic; it's just about calibrating. This isn't about upending our lives, just maybe it's worthwhile to start some experiments to start clarifying what it is that we're going for and to make little micro-steps to get there. Don't wait too long.
The Clarifying Lens
So let's start with what is the clarifying lens? The goal of this is to reframe the thought experiment as a tool to clarify values and reveal friction points. If you really consider what you would do and not do if you truly only had a limited amount of time left on this earth, it's really a mental trick. Limited time reduces noise; social expectations drop away. What remains is often a focus on relationships, reducing meaning, and really experiencing small joys.
For example, one of us might stop staying late, right? Staying after shift, actually making it to our kids' recital, game, or graduation—whatever it is that you would blow off in the name of being a team player or being loyal to the job or doing what you feel like is your duty. Maybe you have a story worth telling. What if you emailed one chapter a week to a mentor or someone that's done this before, someone you look up to, instead of waiting for the perfect manuscript? What if you just started practicing and just wrote these emails once a week and started there? You gotta start somewhere.
What if you figured out real quickly if you really wanted to hold onto that grudge, that resentment, and that bitterness, or forgive and move on? We talk about this a lot in the perspective of bitterness, resentment, and unforgiveness. It's poisoning you. It's not doing anything to the person that you feel has done the injustice or wronged you. So what would that look like to forgive them? Maybe even forgive yourself, because sometimes I think we hold ourselves captive because we're like, "Once we recognize that we've held this grudge for so long, then we beat ourselves up." "Oh my gosh, why did I hold this grudge so long?" That's counterproductive. That's not the way that helps us move on.
Let me interject for the people whose alarm bells are going off in their brains right now: You can forgive someone and still keep a boundary. It doesn't mean going back to the way things were, but you holding onto the regret or to the resentment in your own self, just like Kendra said, is poisoning yourself. You can still forgive and move on, even if you don't reconnect or if it's not safe to rekindle. You can still do this mental exercise and carry on with whatever makes the most sense for you. This is all about you guys. When you forgive, it's about the peace within yourself. It's about reaching that point of peace that's inside of you; it has nothing to do with them. And if that part of maintaining the peace means you put a very firm boundary up, then do it. It is for you.
Noticing the Seasons
What if you stepped outside at the end of your shift or at the end of the day, or maybe you went to work a little bit early and you noticed the sunrise or sunset? Like, what if you noticed that? I live on a cattle ranch and it's amazing the seasons of birth that we go through on the ranch. We have two very distinct seasons. Just going through those seasons of having all these babies running around all over our place, but also noticing that—just like was said—winter comes and it just seems like everything goes into hibernation or everything dies. It's kind of a season of just death and then renewal. But you just start to notice like even the farm isn't as vibrant as it was in the spring and summer. And then we've already had all the babies being born and now, unfortunately, we've had a couple of mamas die or whatever, but there's just seasons in life. What if you were to slow down and just notice those seasons a little bit more?
What if you put your phone down? What if you came home and just went straight and put it on the charger and just didn't pick it back up so you really could be present with those that you share life with, those that you are in relationship with? How much more do they want, need, and deserve your time than say a screen or a phone? Not to say that you wouldn't sit down and watch a movie together or do something like that, but it's just being able to really be present in this undistracted, uninterrupted time that has the potential for creating a memory that withstands the test of time.
So what relationship would you invest in if you had one day, one week, one month left? And what task would you stop doing if it cost you the thing that you love the most? Think about those two questions. Then name one thing you'd do today that you're not doing now, and what's one thing you would definitely not do if you focused on those questions and realized the lack of time left that you would have? What actually would life look like? Real life, everyday life?
The Five Categories
Let's review what categories people most likely tend to pick when they have this kind of very real time limit.
Relationships and Repair: If there is a longstanding grudge or a person that you haven't spoken to for a while and you know that there's some repair that you can do, most people would wanna take care of that. Maybe you have a sibling that you love hanging out with but just haven't prioritized time with them. Well, if you have a year left to live, you know you're gonna want to dedicate time to spend with them. Micro-action: Schedule a 20-minute phone call this week to reconnect with someone. Put it on the calendar.
Meaning and Legacy: What meaning have we created or what projects or what legacy have we created? Maybe it's a photo book that you put off compiling. Maybe it's a personal history that you know that you want to write for your descendants. Maybe you're creating a patient education video, or maybe you wanted to build a course, write a book, or paint. I keep saying I'm gonna read the book The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning. How to free yourself and your family from a lifetime of clutter. Do I wanna leave cluttered closets to my kids? Micro-action: Create a 30-minute starter slot on your calendar to outline whatever project it is that you want to start.
Health and Presence: If you had one month to live unless you started taking care of your body, what would that do to change some of the habits that you're currently engaging in? Would you go get that colonoscopy? Would you make an appointment with your PCP? I'm often astounded at how many doctors do not have a doctor—you need a doctor, people, get a doctor! Would you figure out time to lift weights? Micro-action: Book one preventative appointment or set an alarm for a 10-minute morning walk.
Clean Slate and Practicalities: At the end of our lives, we don't wanna leave people we love with a bunch of craziness. So we wanna get our wills in order and organize all legal paperwork. If you want a trust, get that set up; get your advanced directives. Have a central place for your passwords that you can share with whoever's going to be in charge. Micro-action: Identify the single most important document that you lack, like a will or advanced directive, and email your partner about it today.
Small Joys and Play: Play is essential; it's like a vitamin. We should call it Vitamin P. The idea of play is kind of stomped out of us in medical training, but it's really good to be intentional about it. Learn a song on the guitar or ukulele. Plan a trip. I advocate that everyone always has a trip planned that they're looking forward to. Micro-action: Choose one small pleasure and block two hours this month to try it.
Starting with Micro-Experiments
I hesitate when people say, "If we had one day left to live." Well, you can bet I'm probably not going to work and I'm probably spending money with abandon. So it's just an exercise. It’s more realistic to talk about a week, a month, or a year.
Pick from these categories. Make it be a practical, low-effort way to begin. The thing I procrastinate the most is when I've turned something into a giant project that never needed to be as big or as daunting as I made it out to be. You can start with five minutes. A lot of perfectionists have that "all or nothing" tendency; this is not the scenario for that.
Think of two ladders: one where the rungs are so high that you can't even get on in the first place, versus a ladder where the rungs are close together. You get to the same place, but one is so much easier to keep advancing. Start doing micro-experiments. Just make a small commitment to be "all in" with a small decision for two to four weeks and see how it goes. You're gathering scientific data. Test a hypothesis. If it works, great. If it doesn't work, then you can reassess and try it a different way.
For some of these things, you might need boundary tools. Maybe you set up a two-sentence template in your Gmail ready to go for when you get asked to be on that next committee: "I am full for this quarter, but thank you. If this is still a need in three to six months, we can reassess from there." Having those in your back pocket makes it a lot easier to not freeze up and accidentally say yes when you meant no.
Final Reflection
Before we go, there's a one-minute reflection to anchor this. If you're driving, wait until you're at a stoplight or home. Otherwise, just close your eyes, take a deep breath, and answer silently in one sentence: What is the single thing that I'm gonna start doing if I only had one more month to live? Now, pick one micro-action—one thing that you can do this week to get you going towards that commitment. Commit to that action right now.
Thank you for listening today. If you found this conversation helpful, the best way to support us is to leave a review. We'd love to hear from you if you've started a micro-action for the week—let us be your accountability! Email us at [email protected]. And don't forget to follow us on socials @thewholephysician.
Until next time, you are whole. You are a gift to medicine, and the work you do matters.
