Moving From Resistance to Acceptance at Work

Certain frustrations show up on repeat in emergency medicine: the same chronic complaint that's already been worked up multiple times, the familiar frequent flier checking back in, the reality of no available beds despite a full waiting room. Each one tends to trigger some version of the same internal reaction: this shouldn't be happening. It shouldn't be like this.

Where the Extra Suffering Actually Comes From

There's a simple, useful way to think about this: pain multiplied by resistance equals suffering. The underlying circumstance, another repeat visit, another full department, another frustrating case, carries a certain amount of built-in difficulty on its own. What often gets added on top is a second, separate layer: time spent in "it shouldn't be this way," "if only things were different," "this isn't fair." That layer doesn't change the circumstance. It just adds additional suffering to something already difficult enough without it.

The Circumstance Itself Is Fairly Neutral

A recurring patient checking back in, a lack of available beds, a case that didn't go the way it was hoped, these are neutral facts until judgment gets attached to them. The judgment feels justified in the moment, and often is, in the sense that a different outcome would genuinely be preferable. But wishing a circumstance were different doesn't change what it currently is, and time spent in that wishing is time spent generating additional distress without changing the underlying reality at all.

How to Tell If Resistance Is Actually Serving You

There's a useful test for whether a particular frustration is worth continuing to resist: is the resistance actually producing a result? If actively working toward changing something, advocating for a policy shift, addressing a specific systemic problem directly, the frustration is fueling real action, and it's worth keeping. But if the frustration is just circling the same ground repeatedly with no actual outcome beyond feeling worse, that's a signal that acceptance, rather than continued resistance, would likely reduce the toll without costing anything in terms of actual progress.

What Acceptance Looks Like in Practice

Acceptance doesn't mean deciding the systemic problems are fine, or that a preferred outcome isn't still preferred. It's possible to want patients to attend their follow-up appointments rather than repeatedly returning to the ED, while still working with the reality of the current visit as it stands, rather than spending energy resisting what's already happened. The circumstance is what it is in this moment; the only real choice is how much additional suffering gets layered on top of it.

The Bottom Line

Certain frustrations in medicine are genuinely recurring and largely outside individual control. Continuing to resist them repeatedly doesn't change them, it just adds an additional layer of suffering to something already difficult. Shifting toward acceptance, specifically for the parts that repeat regardless of resistance, tends to reduce that added toll without requiring any acceptance of the underlying systemic problems as acceptable or unchangeable in the bigger picture.

FAQ

Does "acceptance" mean giving up on wanting things to be different? No, it's possible to genuinely want a different outcome (better follow-up care, more available beds) while still accepting the current reality of a specific moment, rather than resisting it in a way that only adds distress without changing anything.

How do I know if I should keep resisting a frustrating situation or move toward acceptance? A useful test is whether the resistance is fueling actual, productive action toward change. If it is, it's serving a purpose. If it's simply repeating without any resulting action or change, acceptance is likely to reduce the toll without any real cost.

Why does resisting a recurring frustration make it worse rather than better? Because the resistance itself, the judgment, the "it shouldn't be this way" thinking, adds a layer of distress on top of the original difficulty, without changing the underlying circumstance at all.

Can this approach help with burnout related to systemic issues in healthcare? It can reduce the day-to-day toll of specific recurring frustrations, though it's not a substitute for addressing genuine systemic problems through appropriate channels where change is actually possible.